Aboard Air Force One: Trump’s Thoughts on the Way to the G7

Here we go again. The G7. What a drag! I’m the only “G” size at that meeting. Why don’t most of those so-called leaders speak real English like everyone else? Anyway, I hate these meetings.

Forget about trade as a matter of dispute. I worry about too many young guys at the conference, like Macron and Trudeau. They make me look old and fat on the pictures.

Plus, the two “Venuses,” Theresa and Angela. Sounds like two nuns. I prefer dealing with the real thing – women who could make it to my Miss Universe contests. Would be much nicer to have Kim Kardashian at the G7 table.

And where are the real leaders anyway? Killer types, figuratively and literally. People like Putin, who took good care of that traitor spy. Or Rodrigo Duterte, the mucho macho leader of the Philippines. He knows how to deal with the rule of law. Takes it into his own hands. Shoots the drug smugglers in his country.

And then my dear little rocket man, Kim. Can’t wait to meet him. They say he had his uncle not only executed, but torn into pieces by an anti-aircraft gun. I’ll ask him whether it is true. Must have been fun. Wish I could do the same to Muller or Crooked Hillary!

A matter of security

Well, this Canada trip is not going to be fun. These so-called leaders – all sissies really – want to give me an earful about steel tariffs. These idiots just don’t understand that steel is to a country what an assault rifle is to an NRA member. It’s a matter of security.

Why don’t they get that talking about “national security” as an excuse gives me a free pass with the do-nothing Congress. Without it, how could I sideline those idiots on the Hill and make them simply shut up? They can be against me – but not against our national security. Beautiful.

This kind of smart dealing is clear evidence of “The Art of the Deal.” Should give all those Congressional bozos a copy of it. I should read it myself by the way, just can’t find the time. Good title, though. Came up with that myself. Only the rest was the ghostwriter’s stuff.

Allies?

I really can’t take all that droning talk about allies any longer. Allies! Allies!

Let’s be serious here. They are no allies of the United States. Canada? T’was part of Great-Britain in 1812. Fought us.

The Brits? I have had enough of the special relationship. I am on the warpath with that country ever since they didn’t throw me a party like Macron, the little French man did, so nicely. All I am doing is to remember the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812! Time to get even with those folks. A trade deal for a nation that attacked our country? Forget about it. Not at the end of the line, there just isn’t a line for them.

Italy: Need I remind newcomers to world history about the invasion of Sicily and the Monte Casino battle? Japan? Just one word: Pearl Harbor!

Let us not even talk about Germany. Twice we had to go over there, although I still do not believe why that was necessary. If it had been me, we would never have crossed the Atlantic. Anyway, with “Allies” like that, who needs enemies?

A word about “liddle Emmanuel”? The guy seems to think we are somehow indebted to France for the help they gave us at the time of the Revolutionary War. Forget that, too: We paid them back not once, but twice. Our debts have long been settled. Helped them emerge as “victors” from two world wars which they had pretty much lost.

Plus, his military parade on the 14th of July. Frankly, that was not impressive at all. Wait till I get mine in Washington. It will be the real thing. Fire and fury!

America First

“International economic order,” they will scream. They don’t get it. I don’t want order, I want disorder. All that’s out there is the jungle, where the lion reigns supreme. Or think in oceanic terms. There, the shark eats the little fish. And little fish they are, all. And I am the big shark: America First!

Can’t wait to go to Singapore, with little Rocket Man. It will be much more fun. And I should make a note of it: Let’s cancel the G7 next year. They would all have heart attacks after I slam them with my tariffs on cars!