Bin Laden's Letter to Saddam Hussein

Dear Saddam,

You write to call me your "brother". But I must tell you, this notion of brotherhood is a curious thing, since we have spent most of our lives fervently wishing to kill one another.

At the same time, there is no denying we are the most powerful living proof ever to Arabs and Muslims from all nations of the complete impotence of the American infidels’ missiles and threats.

Despite the billions of dollars they have spent and the thousands of bombs they have dropped — you live, I live, Afghanistan disintegrates, and Iraq boils over with the people's hatred for their occupiers.

Is that what they call “Mission accomplished” in Washington? The leaders lie like your information minister, and the people are too keen to believe the fabric of lies presented to them.

I will confess that in a sense, we are part of a brotherhood. Call it the brotherhood of flesh and blood reminders of how hollow and bombastic this great western culture really is.

But before you get carried away with sweet notions of brotherhood, let me remind you that every Arab is part of that brotherhood. It flatters your pride to single me out in a very large tent.

You brag that I, Osama, the true Caliph, am defeated. You brag that I have nothing better to do than send my martyrs to die for your butchers and thugs and their operations against the crusader army in Iraq.

But I tell you I would rather send my martyrs to die killing Shi’a who want to take over the true faith of Muhammad — we killed 53 of them in a mosque here in Quetta this week — than serve a common meat-carver like you.

Understand that to you, Saddam, Butcher of the Kurds of Kirkuk, I offer not the cool water of friendship — but the bile of contempt. I do not tell you to drink water from the Dead Sea.

I tell you to come to Quetta — and drink whatever is coming out of this satanic kidney machine to which I am attached. You are a living disgrace to the memory of the Prophet. In my eyes, you are more stupid even than the little Bush.

Why do I say you are more stupid than the little Bush? I say it because your stupid vanity keeps you from seeing how your actions undermine the Islamic Republic in Iran.

And I say it also because your obstinacy blocks the revolution of the true faith in Saudi Arabia, the land of Mecca.

First, realize that the gravest threat we face is not American television tempting our daughters to go study in California. Rather, it is the threat of a democratic Iran.

Right now, the forces of democracy are on our side. That is to say, the side of martyrs trying to topple corrupt generals in Egypt and squalid monarchs in Saudi Arabia.

The masses are eager for the victory of real Islam, defeating the Western puppets who currently masquerade as their leaders in Cairo and Riyadh.

But if Iran becomes democratic, then democracy takes on a different meaning. It would then be on the side of the godless students in Tehran — and everyone will cheer them.

Surely you do not want Persia reenergized on your border growing rich from western trade. So why then have you become the greatest supporter of Iranian reform?

Perhaps you do not think you have become the reformers' best friend? But look at what your thugs have accomplished in Baghdad — and try to understand.

They have frightened the Americans into handing power over to a council of Shi’a who are backed by Iran. The Americans are so afraid of your thugs that they are rushing into the arms of the Shi’ite ayatollahs outside Baghdad.

This does not concern me because of what it means for Iraq. The ayatollahs cannot be much worse for the faith of Muhammad than you were. It worries me because it will inspire the western sympathizers and reformers waiting to corrupt the Islamic Republic in Iran.

Remember how many of these Iraqi Shi’a until recently lived in exile in Iran. If their Persian brothers now see those exiles go home to run elections and write constitutions in Baghdad, how long will it be until Iran runs real elections and writes real constitutions?

They will steal my idea of democratic revolution. And it will be small consolation to me that democracy in Iraq will put people in power who hate the Americans even more than I.

But it is not only your blindness to how you are undermining the Islamic Republic in Iran that makes you stupid. It is also your petty attacks on your own oil wells.

Only Allah knows why the faithful of Saudi Arabia must wait for justice because of a fool and cannibal like you. Perhaps it is because I, too, have been stupid.

I did not realize that my destruction of America's insulting minarets in New York City handed this little Bush the keys to unending power. Like any chief who has no skill to make his people rich, he was all too happy to have a war to distract them.

But just like the flesh-pot idiots of the Saudi royal family, the little Bush believes wealth comes only from the ground. He calls Americans who want to burn more Arab oil his friends — and Americans who want to burn less of it his enemies.

Oh, Allah, he is burning so much oil that he supports the fat Saudi royals even more strongly than he supports Israel's blood-thirsty prime minister! I speak the truth. He pays for Americans to burn oil, while the Israelis pay for Brooklyn settlers to build their trailer parks in Palestinian orchards.

But if I was blind how the oil fetish of the little Bush would support my enemies in the Royal House of Saud, you have been ten thousand times blinder! In your vanity, and in your utter foolishness, you have ordered your bandits to stop the flow of Iraq's oil wells.

How could you be such a tool in the hands of the Saudi royals? The whole point of tempting the infidels into Iraq was to flood the world with Iraqi oil — and starve the over-stuffed bastards who run Saudi Arabia for the benefit of the Americans.

I swear to you, you will not have one more suicide bomber from me until you let the oil flow in Iraq. You are more stupid than the little Bush — and you do not deserve from me so much as a female martyr with two grenades in her burqa.

How can a Sunni Arab like you be more stupid than the little Bush? The ways of Allah are truly a mystery.