Eggscuse Me, Mr. Putin, We Need Them to Cook

Everyone has their particular childhood memories. And then, you become an adult, and the question that would invariably be posed was something along the lines of: What is one thing that you were forced to do in childhood that you vowed never to do again?

Mine was: Eat eggs. Every single day of our school years, our mother stuck a hard boiled egg in front of my sister and me.

It was partly the fault of novelist Fay Weldon who, when she worked at Britain’s Egg Marketing Board, came up with the (ingeniously punning) slogan “Go to work on an egg.” My mother took it to heart.

But when you cannot get hold of an egg, a good many cooking options cease. A shortcrust pastry? A cake? A souffle? Egg use cuts right across the culinary board.

An eggless Russia

While the West’s sanctions against Russia do not seem to have had any significant impact on Putin’s sale of oil to countries happy to import it in vast quantity – India, China, Turkey, Egypt, Brazil, for starters – Russian babushkas are now desperately short of eggs.

In one year, eggs in Russia have soared in price by 40%. On social media (never safe platforms in Russia for revealing an opinion) clicks are mounting for a meme of a man on bended knee offering his intended not a ring – but a box of eggs.

She turns him down, saying they are far too expensive. At his end-of-the-year news conference, when Putin was asked about the rocketing cost of them, he could only mumble that the problem was being addressed.

But Russian producers cannot afford to import chickens. They are also short of the labor needed to run the hatcheries. And the high cost of feed and fuel are making eggs unprofitable.

A history of egg eating

Eggs have been eaten (originally raw) for thousands of years since pre-history – that period between the first known use of stone tools and the invention of writing.

There is evidence that chickens had become domesticated in South East Asia before 7500 BC. By 1500 BC, they had arrived in Egypt. And by 800 BC they had arrived in Greece, where previously quails had supplied the eggs.

By the Middle Ages, eggs had become forbidden during Lent, ostensibly because they were too rich. But it is more likely that it was recognized that chickens needed a laying break. That fallow end of the winter period was a good choice as feed became expensive.

The American fear of eggs

During the 1990s in the United States, eggs were given a bad rap. Under no circumstances should anyone have gone to work on an egg. It had been decided high levels of bad LDL (low-density lipoprotein) cholesterol in egg yolks increased the risk of cardiovascular disease which led to egg fear and the birth of the grim egg-white omelette.

Since then, we have learned that our levels of cholesterol are mostly made by our livers from the saturated fats and trans fats in foods we eat – and not from the mere 1.5 grams of saturated fat contained in a large egg.

Besides, we were missing a whole lot of stuff in eggs that is very good for us. So feel free to go to work on one.

And we are. The number of eggs produced globally, according to 2021 figures (the most recent) is more than 1,177.37 billion eggs a year. They come from over 6.4 million hens which lay more than three hundred eggs each annually. Exhausting.

With those numbers and that length of history, you would think we would know how to look after them.

How to handle eggs

Talk to a person who has them scratching around in a coop, and more likely than not, they will tell you never to wash them and certainly not to store them in the fridge.

The first injunction is because a protective layer on the eggshell shields eggs from contamination.

The second is that when eggs have been held in the cold and are then taken out to reach room temperature for cooking, any existing bacteria growth on the shell can be activated and promoted which would contaminate the contents of the egg, particularly if the egg has been washed as supermarket eggs are.

However, notice that supermarkets, keenly alert to any possibility of a law suit, never refrigerate eggs.

On the downside, they assign them “use by” dates that would make a farmer snort. If you are in any doubt about the freshness of your egg, just crack it open and give the contents a sniff.

Another indicator is if the white and the yolk are in any way liquid. If you are still unsure, fill a large bowl with water. If your egg sinks, it is fresh. If it floats – or even if it simply tilts upwards – bin it.

The tilting indicates that as the egg’s water has evaporated through the shell, the air pocket inside the egg has grown larger and been replaced by air.

Eggs and culture

The English pickle eggs. I shall not even go there. The Chinese bury them. Not for a thousand years, but for a hundred days, in a mixture of lime, ash and salt. Duck not hens’ eggs are the ones most commonly used.

Should you want to cure eggs, Chinese TV chef, diplomat, food writer, restaurateur and tennis player, the late Kenneth Lo, would dissolve salt in a little water in a large bowl then slowly stir in pine ash and lime until he reached a mixture like mud.

He smothered the eggs in this, then rolled them in a tray of rice or bran husks to stop them sticking to one another, or to the large earthenware jar into which he packed them.

Every three days he would remove and re-settle them, then after fifteen days, seal the jar and leave it for a month. 45 days after starting the cure, the eggs would be ready to eat.

Egg insecurity

Eggs still cause alarm. My own egg insecurity once lay with Hollandaise sauce. Too often, making it the orthodox way, it split. Here is a cheat technique that is not only fool-proof, but speedy.

Any minute now, the fresh season’s asparagus will be on sale, so you can practice getting ready by making this recipe for your breakfast Eggs Benedict. And Hollandaise Sauce renders even the simplest steamed fish seductive.

Recipe

For a 180ml/¾ cup of Hollandaise sauce:

120g/½ cup butter
3 egg yolks
Juice ½ lemon
Salt to taste

Method

Melt the butter and keep it hot, but do not allow to brown. Drop the egg yolks into the jug of a blender, add the lemon juice and salt and put on a low speed, gradually and very slowly adding the melted butter.